the truth....behind the lies

i seriously can't believe it....half of my senior yr has come and gone....and now what...will i actually be able to move on to have a life with no schedule? from graduation and onnward life is just one big summer vacation literally.......should i actually try to get into college? take a yr off? nvr go?.....should i well....idk...i'm like lost in this thought that somehow life ends when u graduate...i've always felt like that....and now that the time has almost arrived where have i spent my time? it's like opening nite for a big production....i've had so much time to prepare for this, to memorize my lines, but i haven't, the lines aren't there in my head, the curtains are about to raise and then what, maybe i can make it impromptu...i kno i'm not alone.....where has everyone gone whom i once trusted as close friendss who once said they'd always be there for me....i admit i haven't always been there...i don't think that in recent yrs i've trusted anyone....i think that after a few times a being shot down by friends that even strangers or mere aquaintances are treated as though they're the enemy....i can't believe how much ppl start to fight when they realize the truth, how much they start to hate each other just because they feel that since there's only a short time left that that will be the end.........they fight so much about pointless things...must all this patience wear off now?....why can't we all be close again.....why can't we stand by each other...we're all scared....who knows.......i'm just bored and trying to sound emotionally philosophical...hehehehe